Remembering Those Who've Served

"Great heroism is rarely about mighty acts, only the quiet fulfillment of commitment—no matter the cost." Edie Melson

The Music that Moves You--Part 2

Jodie here. We're talking about the songs that speak to us this week, and today it's all about deployment. Care to drop into the comments and share?

Below is the song my husband I thought of as "our" deployment song, but the truth is, it's a universal sentiment, at least in my Army community. I was in a seminar once with about three hundred spouses of deployed soldiers. It was one of those "fun days" that occasionally come along, a day when we were learning about the upside of deployment and sort of laughing and joking together. (And yes, there is an upside to deployment, believe it or not.) During the lunch break, they piped in music over the loudspeakers while we were chatting. I'm not sure how the playlist got put together or if it was a totally random satellite radio station, but you could have heard a bread crumb hit a plate when this particular song came on. Every wife stopped talking. Just about every eye teared up. There's a reason I refer to this as "the deployment song." And even though he's home now, it still gets me every time because, believe me, I remember the feeling.



-JB

The Music that Moves You--Part 1

Jodie here. Over on my blog, Mondays tend to focus on music. I love my tunes. When I write, my books all have a soundtrack of their own. If I can't find the soundtrack, I struggle to find the story. It has something to do with knowing my characters. Somehow, knowing what they'd skip to on the iPod on the drive home from work solidifies how well I know them.

This week, I thought it would be fun to talk about the songs that get us through deployments. Whether you're a spouse or a parent, a good friend or a girl-/boy-friend, it's a good bet a song out there has made you teary. This week, let's share, shall we? Today's song will be that patriotic/military one that gets you every time. Thursday will be that personal one that's all about you and your Soldier/Sailor/Marine/Airman/Coastie. How's that sound? Want to drop into the comments and share?

My big soldier song is probably pretty generic, but having lived the life for over 15 years, I know how true it is. Whether my husband is here, deployed, or TDY somewhere, this one grabs me in the gut and reminds me of who he is and what he does. Sometimes, as the family members of servicemembers, we forget that our lives are pretty extraordinary. Only about 1% of the population currently serves this way. That's pretty amazing and it should make you stand a little taller as far as I'm concerned.


-JB

I Must Have That Right NOW!

Jodie here. Hope everyone is loving their Friday! I know I am. Despite having a four-day week this week, it has been exceptionally long. By Tuesday's lunch, I'd have promised you I'd already lived through seven work days. Yesterday, I needed Mountain Dew to get me through. Sadly, there was none to be found on our campus. Let's just say the Coca-Cola didn't cut it.

Speaking of needing things... There's a thing that happened to me every time my husband deployed. It's not biblical and it's perhaps a little bit wrong, but it's a fact of deployed-family-member life.

For lack of a better word, we develop little "addictions." The first time, it was clothes for our baby daughter. Friends, we lived at Target. And that little girl was the best-dressed thing you ever saw. Crazy, isn't it?

The second time, it was iced mochas from Starbucks. I drank the things like water. It became apparent that I "needed" them when I decided to give them up while doing Beth Moore's "Daniel" Bible Study. Three days in, our company lost its first soldier. I can well remember gripping the steering wheel with both hands, so hard my knuckles were white, driving past Starbucks and thinking it would all be okay if I could just have some caffeinated, chocolatey comfort. (Thank goodness I'm not a drinker, right?)

Time number three, sweet tea. I discovered "Happy Hour" at Steak and Shake. Large Tea. 32 ounces. Fifty cents. Life was beautiful. Until my pants didn't fit anymore.

What's up with that? One day, I figured it out. I was trying to do was replace my husband with caffeine and sugar. Know what? It wasn't quite the same. And it was downright unhealthy. What I needed was a habit, not an addiction. A walk with the dog in the mornings. A good workout at the gym. An occasional dose of that tea.

Why tell you what I did wrong? Because I think we all do it. And I think it's good to know we're normal, even though we have some things we need to break. And I think we need to know it's possible to make it through the day and the night.... even without a sugar rush.

-JB

Answering a Different Call

Jodie here. Today I've got a family on my mind, one I worked with during my husband's second Iraq deployment. They were unique in a way that lives with me today, in a way I wish I could emulate more.

I spent 11 months speaking regularly with the Barnes family. We talked of my husband and their son, Nathan, who was something of an encourager and maybe a little bit of a comedian in our company at Fort Drum. Mr. and Mrs. Barnes were precious parents, so proud of their son, so concerned for his fellow soldiers, so in love with their country.

I was in the opening ceremony of our Bible school in July 2007 when my cell phone rang with my co-FRG leader's number. When I stepped out of church onto the lawn, I could hear in her voice that something was very wrong. Her exact words are lost to me, but I remember like it was yesterday dropping to my knees on the grass when she told me Nathan had been killed. He was shot boarding a helicopter in an Iraqi village. Gone before anyone even realized he'd been hit.

What happened afterwards still defies my understanding. Nathan's family started collecting money and supplies. More and more and more until they filled a shipping container the size of a semi-truck. A shipping container which they sent to the very same tiny village in Iraq where their son was killed.

And then they did it again.

The Iraqi Army commander in that village spoke publicly of Nathan's sacrifice and of how his family responded and how that should encourage all of them to be better people, to grow into something that would make Barnes's memory proud.

The power of forgiveness. The power to overcome hate, to heal hurts, to soothe grief. Sometimes love surpasses understanding, doesn't it?

-JB

That Stinking Grass Still Grows

Jodie here. I read Edie's last post and had to smile. Okay, so it was more like a grimace, but I tried, right? See, there are things that happen when you're a military wife and your husband is gone. It's the craziest thing. The garbage that he always took out still accumulates. The car that he always washed still gets dirty. And the grass--that stinking grass--it still grows.

During an early extended TDY, I resented the garbage. It took me three weeks to figure out I resented it because he always did it, and the fact I had to do it just reminded me he wasn't there to do it.

I'd made peace with the garbage by the third deployment. This time it was the grass. My husband loves working in the yard and, being the amazing military wife I just knew I was, it was my determination to handle it all by myself. I did well, until the lawnmower started acting up. And the grass at the back of the yard grew thicker than the grass at the front. And Tennessee heated up hotter than a brick oven in a New York pizzeria. There came the day it took me three days to mow the back yard and only after I practically gave myself heat stroke and had to lay on the bathroom floor until the world stopped twirling like a ballerina. I conquered the lawn on day three and celebrated with a steak on the grill... then called a lawn guy to handle it the rest of the summer. Sometimes, you have to realize you can't do it all. (Uhm, lesson I'm still learning...)

On day two and a half, I was thinking about my church. They did amazing things for our military overseas, sending care packages and sermons, praying... They were there for us wives with group meals at holidays and gifts for our kids... And if I had asked, I'm sure they'd have mowed my grass. But I'm one of those proud people who won't ask no matter what. Instead, I started having this fantasy as I sweat and circled, that someone would appear and mow that grass for me. It was the most amazing fantasy ever. It wasn't a pity party, just the realization that I'd taken on one thing too much. I wanted someone to swoop in and take that one thing too many out of my hands, to somehow know I needed it.

I guess the point is this... If you truly want to help, look at those things around your house that come around with regularity, then ask if you can help. Better yet, just step in and do it, even anonymously, even once. You'll bring a deployed-spouse Army wife to tears, I promise.

-JB

What Can I Do?

Ever since my book came out, I’m besieged by the question, "What can I do to reach out to military families in my community?" People are looking for ways to support our military and their waiting families—but they don’t know what to do.

I completely understand. 

Before our son joined the Marine Corps, I had no idea either. We don’t come from a military family and our home in upstate South Carolina isn’t near a military base.

So today I want to share some of the ways our community reached out to us and ways I see others currently reaching out to families.

Ways Our Community Helped Us

• Ask how their soldier is doing—and then give the family a chance to answer. This is so comforting. Often our soldiers feel like the world has forgotten them, and sometimes the families feel that way too. Giving them a chance to share news, triumphs and fears is vital
• Send their soldier a letter, or even better, a package. Knowing that our son was receiving mail from people other than family was huge. I knew it let him know he wasn’t forgotten.
• Let the family know you’re praying. As I mentioned in my book, I would sometimes be so fearful I had trouble praying. Invariably I’d hear from someone that during my time of prayerlessness, they had been praying.
• Be on hand for the send-off and the homecoming. Some soldiers prefer a quiet send-off or homecoming, but be sure to reach out near these special dates and if they’re open, take part! Especially be available to line the streets when a soldier is killed at war. That happened recently in our community and the outpouring of support was incredible and helped so many more than just the family. 

Things I See Others Doing Now

• Help with the kids left at home. We all know how hard it is to be a single parent these days. That difficulty is magnified when one parent is away at war. Step in and offer to help get younger kids to and from activities.
• Provide a night out. Whether it’s a child or spouse away at war, the family can use a chance to get out with friends. Especially if it’s a spouse, money can be tight. So plan a special surprise with a gift card to a movie or favorite restaurant.
• Offer to collect items to send. Most of us are a part of some kind of group. You may not be able to collect a truck load, but if we all do a little we can accomplish amazing things! Our soldiers love getting things from home and it’s even better when they have plenty to share with their buddies.
• Stop and give. As a member of Blue Star Mothers of America, I often have the opportunity to collect donations for our military. It means more than you can imagine when people stop and give.

Many times, people wind up doing nothing out of fear that they’ll do or say the wrong thing. Really and truly there are very few wrong things. Most are things people have said without thinking and I promise, military families are a forgiving group.  

Here are a few comments you should try to avoid.

Did you see that news story about…

The first thing military families learn during deployment is to avoid watching the news AT ALL COST! The reason is because if something happens, the military will contact the family. Also, we’ve found the news reports are incomplete at best and out-and-out wrong at worst.

I hope your soldier makes it back.

You may wonder that anyone would say this, but people do. We are all scared that something awful might happen and we really don’t need to be reminded about it.

You must be so sorry your (husband, wife, son, daughter) is in the military.

Really? No, we’re proud—button bustin’ proud—and we don’t appreciate those who think it’s something to be ashamed of.

Finally, here is a link to an organization that helps our military and their families. There are chapters all over the US, so chances are, you have at least one in your community.

Blue Star Mothers ofAmerica.

This is a 501(c)3 organization and is set up to reach out to active duty military, their families and veterans who need assistance. Many of the local chapters have websites set up with information. Here is our Greenville Blue Star Mothers website.

Now it's your turn. What helped you while your loved one was serving our country?